I feel so very alive tonight. Some might confuse it with the feeling of being raw, or restless. It is not entirely different, but I liken it to a sort of ache in my bones that penetrates my soul.
As I walked tonight in the park, in the dark, I took in the beauty- and then reflected on perhaps the fact that I might go out this late because I subconsciously crave the feeling of danger- the thrill of it. Yet, there is always a line I will not cross. I have respect for my own safety.
I have never admitted this to myself- that there is a part of me that is exhilarated by the momentary rush I feel when I find myself in survival/ warrior mode. I think this is the reason I have worked in the Bronx late at night. Or any of the other crazy things I’ve done in my life.
When I go back out again tonight, the park will mostly be vacant, except for a few people walking their dogs, or wandering. It is then I feel at peace. I am so entirely alone- except for the wind in the trees, and the bristle of excitement of doing something sort of reckless. This solitude sometimes feels like a kiss-
it is the bliss of total freedom.