Quarantine Clusterfuck

It's been almost a week since I've been in a voluntary quarantine. Saturday, after hacking and coughing everywhere for days, someone I know decided it was finally a good idea to get tested for covid ( I had to tell them). Not surprisingly, they had it.

So I ventured off to my own private dwelling, anyway from everyone. Even though I've tested negative twice since then, the idea of giving anyone covid or making anyone else sick disturbs me as much as getting it- so I've chosen to isolate myself until this upcoming Tuesday.

I feel like I have a responsibility to other people, one greater than myself. I feel reassured that I've tested negative, but I also (knock on wood) have a body that's historically freakishly resilient, though I always assume that my time is up.

So I've been doing crunches, making art (I mean, it's more like crafting), writing, learning about the Universe, listening to podcasts, doing cardio, crunches, drinking seltzer, making art, seltzer, coffee. Coke Zero energy. . . and remembering to give a fuck.

Through all of this, I've learned that I love being alone, and that I am probably jaded as fuck.

And I've also learned that I've forgotten to give a fuck about things I used give a fuck about. I guess it's because I'm getting older- or maybe I've just been through so many things, that I'm like "meh." But I guess that's the same thing.

I am becoming the person I thought I would be, and that other people thought I would be. My older friends often told me they envisioned me to eventually become a cynical academic.

I'd say it's more like Will Graham from Hannibal, but they turned out to be somewhat on target... and yeah, I am spot on... and that's not good news either way.

Does anyone else feel this way about life lately? ... or at some point? But no matter what, I feel grateful to the Universe, or just life, for everything including life.

Has anyone else had their quarantine clusterfuck yet?

I think I am addicted to seltzer water.