The Top 3 Most Awkward Moments of my Entire Life

3. I was almost jumped by children:

I was waiting at the Grove Street Path Station, bundled up with my mask on. Somehow, a bunch of 13 year olds started trying to mess with me. When I finally opened my mouth and pulled my hat off and spoke, they then realized I was an adult. The girl who was trying to stand too close to me on purpose (basically trying to make me uncomfortable by not socially distancing), walked away with her tail between her legs while her guy friends howled with laughter.

That's called karma, kid.

2 . The time I took over a burlesque show

  • Let's just say that I didn't even understand what happened. But I ended up on stage, and was nearly groped by this (purposely) sleezey host guy. .. and I think the song "butterfly" was playing.

Anyway, nothing bad happened and all was well. . . but yeah. Awkward.

  1. Jupiter Power

  • Like many children of the 1990s, I was in love with the show Sailor Moon. Not having the concrete thinking skills only found in adulthood, I was convinced that if I said one of the Sailor Scout Mantras, that I would turn into a Sailor Scout and be transported from any danger that befell me. I tried it many times in the mirror, scrunching my face, as if to will some hidden power

“Jupiter power!” I would say. “Jup-i-tour- Pow-er.”

It didn’t work. But why? I pondered this question, until I came to the brilliant realization that I had to be in genuine danger for the mantra to turn me into Sailor Jupiter.

Well, a few days later, I had my chance. The "wolfpack" as we called them, were 6th graders who towered over us all, and scared us. Well, the wolfpack was making fun of my hair. Then, they started to say something else . . . so I raised my hand and literally yelled


Of course, nothing happened. My dumb ass was actually stunned that I wasn't turning into a Sailor Scout. The bus literally was silent for 2 seconds, and everyone, including my sister and the bus driver, howled with laughter.

I sunk down in my seat.

Well, at least it indirectly worked.

Honorable Mention:

My college was once on lockdown due to some dumbsass kid making a threat. All of us in my class were terrified. I had the brilliant idea of fighting back. I picked up a nearby bottle of windex and was like "hey- I can just hide behind the door and then spray him with windex."

Not one person, even my professor, spoke.

Maybe not.